A Gettysburg College Salute to Moldova

By Brian Engelsma

Moldova is random. It’s really hard to say that a European nation is random, that is unless you cheat and use Andorra or San Marino or some BS like that, but Moldova makes a very strong case for being both European and random, and that is why I’d like to tell you a few things about this wonderful, random country.

Moldova is located in Eastern Europe, sandwiched between the significantly less random countries of Ukraine and Romania. Once a mere Socialist Republic in the USSR, Moldova was given freedom and independence following the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991. A landlocked state, Moldova has very little contact with the outside world, and most people agree that if it went missing people wouldn’t notice for three, four weeks top.

Industry and economic activity of most kinds are lacking from Moldova. It has no natural resources to speak of, and hasn’t seen a tourist since the night a Romanian man got lost in the woods and wound up in a Moldovan pasture. Most Moldovans affectionately refer to this event as “the Great Economic Boom of 1997.”

What Moldova lacks in industry and modern economic activity, it more than makes up for in farming. Moldovans are quick to point out that their proud motherland is situated between two mighty rivers, the Dniester and the Prut, providing the nation with rich and fertile soil. Furthermore, Moldovans boast of having “the cleanest air in all of the former Soviet Union.” Despite its beautiful farm land, Moldova remains the least developed and poorest nation in all Europe.

The cash crops that have sustained the Moldovan peoples thus far include various fruits and vegetables, tobacco and the finest wine east of France. Moldova has in excess of 360,000 acres of vineyards, most of which is used for commercial winemaking. Families have their own special strands of grapes and recipes to improve their final product.

Moldova’s location in between Europe and Asia has made it a prime target for invasions. True to their colors Moldovans have learned to “man up” to, at different times, invading hordes of Goths, Huns, Avars, Bastarns, Sarmatians, Magyars, Kievan Rus’, Pechenegs, Cumans, Mongols and most recently Communists.

Historically Moldova can trace its ancestry back to the Principality Moldavia, which existed between the 14^th and 19^th centuries, and ruled the area of Moldova, along with part of both Ukraine and Romania. Moldavia territory and strength was greatly increased by Stephen the Great, who ruled over Moldavia in the 15^th century. Without Stephen who knows if Moldova would exist today.

Slowly Moldavia territory was lost to the Russian Empire, and eventually what remained of it became, along with Wallachia, the Kingdom of Romania. Moldova today is the Moldavia territory that was swallowed up by the Russian Empire. For a brief time following World War One Moldova was an independent nation, but quickly reverted back to Russian control when it was seized by the Soviet Union in World War Two. The end of the Cold War brought new found independence to Moldova, and what a joy it was to all the Moldovans.

The official language of Moldova, as described in its constitution, is Moldovan. It’s interesting to note, however, that in the Moldovan declaration of Independence they list the official language as Romanian. It’s an easy mistake to make, however, since Moldovan and Romanian are the same language. In fact, Moldovan culture and Romanian culture are incredibly similar, and few distinctions actually exist between the two countries.

With its charming history of constant invasions, its lack of unique culture and its relative squalor and poverty, it’s no small wonder why Moldova has generally been forgotten by the world, and why Moldova is world renowned as a random country.