Humor

By Johnny Appleseed 

 Have you ever wondered why every night when you tune in to Gettysburg College TV network, all you ever see are Mike Altman’s Shots in the Dark re-runs from three years ago? Do you find yourself asking questions like “where does all that money from the senatorial budget go for GBurg TV?” or “why is it always the ...

By Jacquelyn Hyde

Food poisoning, that is. With all the hype surrounding the new Servo food truck seen meandering the streets of Gettysburg College and loitering outside the dining center, enticing students with its aroma of deep –fried goodness, it comes as a shock to many that the food from the truck seems to be linked to cases of extreme food ...

By Sam Francisco

Never underestimate the value of an Independent Study. This past weekend, after hours of toil in the lab, two students have managed to create a new species of lizard that has not been present on our planet since prehistoric times: Velociraptor monogliensis.

Biology majors Anne Teak ’15 and Dinah Soar ’13 were working on a project for Professor Kay ...

By Tequila Mockingbird

It was a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas indeed when Elvis Presley passed away and left this world feeling so lonesome without his soulful tunes and sinfully swaying hips. OR WAS IT??

While the world was still reeling from the reported news of The King’s supposed death, he was in fact hustling away as fast as his oversized body ...

By Aaron Tyres

A casual early morning glance along the sinuous coast of Seaside, New Jersey greets its viewer with a collage of colors, the clipped exchange of aquatic soundtrack, and the hum-drum stampede of determined runners. It is in large part a tranquil scene, slightly nauseating but nevertheless suburban and comfortable. While such seems the work of an early spring, ...

By Ann Sirdafone

This week, it was announced that the Art & Art History Department will be hiring deceased painter Bob Ross for a full-time tenured position.  Ross, who gained fame as the host of the long-running PBS television program, The Joy of Painting, is expected to teach a full course load and will even be donating new paintings to decorate ...

By Colin O. Scopie

GETTYSBURG COLLEGE Last week a raid led by the Student Conduct Review Board confiscated hundreds of documents from the Honor Commission’s records.  The Forum has learned through an internal leak that many of these never before seen papers reveal a highly complex power struggle between the Commission’s administrators and the leading students.  Our unnamed source reports that the Deans of ...

By Sam Francisco

When first-year Walter Melon got lost on his way to the bathroom in the middle of his ANTH 103 class, he had no idea that what he would find was the farthest thing from a toilet.

In the basement of Glatfelter, Walter came across a small door next to the offices with a number of strange markings. Intrigued, he ...

By Ann Sirdafone

Today, Gettysburg College’s own president, Janet Morgan Riggs, scheduled an open office hour for faculty and students interested in hearing the true story of her recent “encounter” with extraterrestrial life forms inside of a UFO hovering above Pennsylvania Hall.  The Gettysburg Forum’s own Ann Sirdafone was on hand to document the President’s incredible experience in her own words:

Ann ...

By Fern Derbender

There are many technical words in the archaeological and art historical lexicon. Armed with dense jargon describing striation, excavation, radio-carbon dating, isotopic analysis, and side-scan sonar imagery, site-mangers and excavators are proof positive that any situation requiring definition can find one in etymology, neologism, and portmanteau. Nevertheless, archaeologists are at a loss to appropriately describe a statute from ...