Humor

By Connor Lees 

The world’s most well-known do-it-all company has recently turned 13 years old.

Google, now entering its teenage years, has come a long way since its birth as a basic search engine. The company has grown rapidly, adding more and more capabilities like Google Maps, Books, Documents, and even an E-mail  client.

Google CEO Larry Page is excited at the prospects ...

By Tori Mohr 

Only at Gettysburg is an ongoing series of short articles that will be published to point out the subtle things that make Gettysburg College what it is. From the awkward and absurd to the inconceivable and inexplicable, Gettysburg College has its fair share of idiosyncrasies that make it the fine, unique institution we have come to love. This ...

By Connor Lees

Gettysburg College has recently been informed that it will be adding yet another prestigious award to its résumé.

The Department of Academic Moisture and Precipitation (D.A.M.P.) has bestowed this award onto the College this week after recognizing the incredible job Gettysburg College has done keeping itself wet.

Janet Morgan Riggs, upon hearing the news, commented that, “We as an institution ...

By Connor Lees

Only at Gettysburg is an ongoing series of short articles that will be published to point out the subtle things that make Gettysburg College what it is. From the awkward and absurd to the inconceivable and inexplicable, Gettysburg College has its fair share of idiosyncrasies that make it the fine, unique institution we have come to love. This ...

By Liz Williams

With Springfest 2061 just around the corner, rumors have been circulating about the artists for this year’s concerts. The members of CAB officially announced this morning that the Justin Bieber Reunion Tour will be stopping by Gettysburg College for the Thursday night concert, followed by Baby Gaga on Saturday afternoon.

Each of the artists will be joining us via ...

By Audra Foster

Twenty years ago today, on April 1st, 2041, Gettysburg College signed itself away to the Apple Corporation, sparking a movement among hundreds of colleges across the nation to do the same. Apple, which has held the lead in the technological education, arms, and merchandise races for well over 60 years, had deemed the step “necessary for the future ...

By Josh Carmel

April 1, 2061

Some say he is a little bit country, while others contend that he is a little bit rock and roll. Students at Gettysburg College know, however, that he is all techno. Like that undulating, pseudo-nauseating, cranial cramping beat on the subwoofer of your entirely antique 86 Honda Civic with the plaid seat covers and the plastic ...

By Rob Kellert

Gettysburg College has finally released its list of courses for the new iYear! Sign-up is easy: just access the iSelect feature (to the left of the iSuck feature, just below the iScreamforicecream button) on your iCourse application on the iStudent menu of your IAmLegend device. Repeat this process for each course you select, and before you know it, ...

By Liz Williams

Students awoke to surprising news this morning in the form of an e-mail from President Andrew Ferreira himself. According to Ferreira, “Hayden,” the mysterious force behind G-Tech for over fifty years, has identified himself as a robot. Rumors of Hayden’s true identity have circulated the student population for years, but no one would have guessed the mastermind of ...

By Xavier Harding

This past Monday, Senate recognized the Human Out-Reach Choir, or HOR Choir (pronounced whórë kweyer). The HOR Choir has been seeking Senate approval for the past 10 years and has gone to many extremes to do so. “I slept with someone on Senate one year,” said an anonymous member of the HOR Choir (Rebecca Summers), “people think ill ...