Humor » Campus Humor

By Elizabeth Elliot

Look-out point. Civil War hospital.  Haunted house.  Head rest for drunken Saturday night revelers.  Since 1837, Penn Hall has been there to serve any and all of students’ needs.  It is only fitting and proper that we give our favorite building a shout out for its 175th birthday. And may we say, Penny—may we call you Penny?–you are ...

By Brian Engelsma

By Brian Engelsma

Rocked for months by the announcement that incumbent Political Science Chairman Robert Bohrer would be stepping down at the end of this term, the halls of Glatfelter have been filled with whispers of who would take the helm on the third floor. Long considered a shoe-in for re-election, the void left by Professor Bohrer, who has seen his ...

By Connor Lees

Some two years ago, the fateful decision to end Crabfest and turn the annual event into a more general ‘Oceanfest’ was made. Crabs were, as a result, stricken from the menu in favor of other sea dwelling delicacies like lobster and shrimp. However, the effects of this decision not only reverberated throughout ...

By Emily Francisco

It has come to the attention of several Gettysburg College students that a population of rogue woodland creatures is on the rise around campus.  Since the beginning of the semester, innumerable numbers of squirrels have been sighted nearly everywhere on campus, which is typically not an uncommon sight for early autumn in ...

By Paul Di Salvo, David DeBor, and Rose Kane

In a recent, completely unsolicited, announcement, Gettysburg College has declared the creation of a new, more scholarly, major. This major, unlike any other on campus, will publicize the College’s resplendent motto, Do Great Work, and by virtue of its position has been labeled the Great Works Major. Below are some corresponding details.

GWS ...

By Audra Foster

I have a few theories about this snow, because there’s no way it’s natural. There’s a higher power at work here. There has to be. This is Pennsylvania, people, not Michigan. Not Massachusetts or Maine or Minnesota or any other state beginning with the letter ‘M’ where it typically snows a lot during the winter months. Pennsylvania begins ...

By Brian Englesma

Family game night, an American tradition–nothing defines the American Dream quite like a good old fashioned family game night, right?. That was the attitude that many members of the Holiday House, a theme house in the Tudor Apartments, took with them lasy Sunday evening as they convened in the family room for the weekly tradition.

Controversy quickly erupted as ...

By Josh Carmel

Gettysburg College – Office of the President

Authorized Document: 3345

January 22, 2010

Convert The Commons to a Meth Lab

Administrative Prostitution

Abraham Lincoln Burlesque Show

Pay for Admission to Servo

Establish an Arcade

Establish a Petting Zoo

Resume the Ancient Art of Alchemy

Elaborate Ponzi Scheme

File for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and Subsequently Receive a Government Bailout

Glenn Beck

Become a Sponsor of Hard-Hit Lead-Based Products

Grand-Theft Auto

Create a “Burglary” Major

Sell ...

By Alex McComas

The air was tight as the two grave Italians, glaring capo to capo, carefully chose their words. “I know you have the basil,” Paul declared, leader of the DiSalvo family here at Gettysburg. Sebastian of the DiNatale family, easily the more notorious name on campus, carefully replied, “I don’t have it… But I know who does.” These grave ...