Despite Depression-Ridden Campus, Rod Tosten “Doin’ Just Fine”

By Sebastian DiNatale

Gettysburg College took yet another hit financially as it spirals deeper into what economists are labeling a “black hole of debt”. As more and more employees are laid off and students’ scholarships taken away, it appears no one seems to be doing well in such a dismal economic state. Unless, of course, you’re Rod Tosten.

Despite horrible financial woes, driving most people to find three or four new jobs, Vice President of Information Technology Dr. Rodney S. Tosten affirms, “Oh me? I’m doin’ just fine.”

After seeing the administrators’ salaries in the recently published annual budget, it was amazing that while every employee of the college saw at least a cut of ¾ of their normal pay, Rod’s salary amazingly saw a 50% increase.

When asked why he was getting a raise during a time when most people where getting salary cuts, Tosten calmly replied, “I guess the college finally recognizes the importance of IT on this campus!”

And recognition is an understatement. Tosten, the modern day internet whiz and Professor of computer science at Gettysburg in 1990 has been praised by the international campus technology computing community. His achievements include being among “the top ten most wired colleges” by Yahoo in 1999 and being the architect for the user-friendly award-winning system “CNAV” in the late 90’s, which enables students to effortlessly navigate throughout their college experience with a modern template and easy-to-use interface. And after those accomplishments, it’s no wonder he took over a 10 year break to do anything new in the face of wireless technologies or updating any system whatsoever in the Gettysburg network.

In fact, Tosten has been making strides in ensuring justice is done towards any improper usage of the wireless system. When College students were reprimanded for setting up more than one account on the wireless network, Tosten deftly fulfilled his duty by cracking down on students while still finding time to set up his entire family on the College’s server. Commitment like that is what’s kept “Tosten on Top”.

Then in 2007 Tosten launched his legendary “Don’t Steal Knit Sweaters From My Wife Campaign”, in which he compared filesharing of multi-billion dollar artists’ songs to going into his house and physically stealing his wife’s home-made sweaters. It was successful, as the analogy led to such confusion the students just stopped trying to understand the dilemma altogether.

Such events have led to Tosten’s essential role at Gettysburg, one that without the College would simply crumble from within. With his signature coffee mug in hand, he sweeps through the Commons, always in an essential meeting with a collegue. Usually his salary does not come into question.

Many of his associates, many of whom can no longer work at the college, accept his increase as the norm. Hayden, whose omnipotent presence could not even dodge the salary cuts, bluntly stated “Students, Rod Tosten continues to provide essentials to the college that cannot be overlooked. Also, make sure you change your password to include 42 non-repeating characters. Thank you.”

Whether we shut down the library or revolt against our leaders, one thing is certain: regardless of the conditions, Rod Tosten will always “Be doin’ just fine.”