Hot Chocolate Disappears From Library!

By Alex Thompson

It was a sad day for all students when the news came out only a mere few hours ago. Everywhere fraternities and theme houses are lowering their flags to half mast and students wore all black and spent the entire day in mourning. The recession has hit everyone hard and in these difficult and uncertain times, the Library has just announced that they will no longer be serving their famous hot chocolate. No longer will we students have a reason to swarm into the library when the mighty Gladfelter Tower rings 12 o’ clock at night (or 12 o’ clock in the morning depending if you are optimist or pessimist). No longer will us procrastinators be able to procrastinate to ungodly hours of the night working on papers and have a rewarding cup of joe waiting for us at midnight.

Our sources tell us that the Styrofoam cups of piping hot hot chocolate will end as soon as supplies run out. No more will those cold winter nights be warmed up by the goodness of the librarians and their aids. The students will go hot chocolate-less because of the schools inability to go out and by chocolate powder and heated water.

Frank appears to be quite happy about the entire predicament when asked, “Yeah, as soon as the hot chocolate runs out, DiNatale and his posse won’t have a reason to run around here.” Frank, although he seemed joyous about the ending upon our interview, was later caught crying about he would have no more hot chocolate to drink during his shift and might have to resort to herbal tea against his wishes.

Of course, many will ask: “Why, of all things, must the school get rid of our hot chocolate?”

“Its like getting deleted by a close friend on Facebook,” comments student Andrew Kotila “It’s a sudden blow you never really get over and then it just messes with you for the rest of the month.” Indeed, the sudden announcement that the library was ending one of its main attractions was a severe blow to the student population. Of course, it was like loosing a dear friend. We all were saddened by the disappearance of hot chocolate.

But where will this lead us as a student population?

Economic prospects do not look promising and neither do our chances of getting dear old Joe back in the library. But of course, since the school is channeling the hot chocolate funds in to the 32 new channels of ESPN, it has become a highly biased circumstance. Everyone likes hot chocolate but only a certain percentage of the student population actually benefit from ESPN or even have a TV in their rooms.

Of course from dissatisfaction, comes dissent and then beyond that full out revolution. First Year Sam Holms expresses the agitation at the sudden disappearance of the hot chocolate: “I think I’m going to kill someone…” was all he told us as he hastily worked on his picket signs demanding the school bring back his prized hot chocolate.

Indeed, there seems to be a growing population of students that are going to be banding together to riot against this immoral decision of depriving the students from their hot chocolate at 12 in the morning. And, just like Bonus Army’s march on our nation’s capitol to demand their pay, we might be seeing a student march on our Musselman Library demanding their chocolate back.