Medical Marijuana

By Punzy McGee

Boy, is this weather bad. C’mon sunshine, WATER you waiting for! What a classic. Heya everybody, Punzy McGee here with my new weekly column, and I’m not talking Corinthian! Allow me to first introduce Myself. Hey Myself, say Hello to everybody! But seriously, I’m Punzy McGee, the wordsmith with a knack for punny humor! In case ya think ya missed a joke, I’ll leave an exclamation point at the end of each sentence; a good point or what! My dog has cancer!

Lotsa people say, “Whadaya crazy Punz? Dontcha know that puns are one of the lowest forms of humor?” Apparently they never met Danny DeVito! Sure exploiting ambiguity between homophonic words for humorous effect sounds like a gimmick, but so does Shimminick! Plus, the only homophone I know of enjoys the company of other men! No, I stick to what I know. Now if someone would get me some glue remover, I can start my article!

Anyway, they asked me to do a little number on recent Cannabis legislation goin’ on around the country, so I said, “Ok. 2!

So apparently California is voting to make marijuana legal for all uses, not just medicinal. Now that’s just what the doctor ordered! The bill is set to be passed within the week. Aww, come on everybody, he’s not that bad! Legislators say legalizing it will help reduce crime and help the economy. That’s a stimulus people can roll with!

New Jersey has also just passed a law allowing medicinal Mary J., and not the mildly attractive red-head that seems to get herself in life-threatening situations on a daily basis! Coming from a state that has no appeal whatsoever, it looks like New Jersey’s reputation of being boring is going up in smoke! The drug is supposed to help ease the pain of illnesses such as Lou Gehrig’s disease and AIDS. Seems like Obama could use some, his seem to be doing no work lately!

It seems to Ol’ Punzy that psychoactively effecting the neurological brain patterns to briefly change perception and mood doesn’t exactly sound like a day of fun to me. I enjoy getting high on life! And if I needed a temporary impairment of short term episodic memory and psychomotor coordination, I’d just need to spend 5 minutes with my wife Molly! Naw, the green stuff isn’t for me, no-sir-ee. Just look at my bank account!

Well, so long creative organic thought processes and non-chemical induced happiness, hello easy entertainment. I can’t wait to see just how unproductive our brains can be before they turn entirely to mush. Speaking of, smells like Molly’s whippin’ up some supper!

My advice: why don’t you use that pot to cook up a casserole?!

Until next week,
Punzy McGee