This Week in 90’s Nostalgia: Michelle Kwan

By Mike Altman

Welcome back to This Week in 90’s Nostalgia, where we travel in time to the land of grunge gods, the messiah prince of Bel Air and devil possessed Furbys. Let’s face it, you know you miss the 90’s and still secretly say WAZZZAP.

Today we revisit our favorite ice princess: Michelle Kwon. Her moves give you the chills. Her style and grace equate to those of a magical gazelle on ice. (Gazelles, another fantastic 90’s phenomenon, most likely to be discussed later). Kwan was born in California, where many ice legends are trained. Some of the greatest ice prodigies have been the kin of many famous Hollywood stars. Families such as the Fondas, Sheens (particularly the grace of Emilio Estevez), and even the Baldwin’s spawned an ice star that never got past the rookies (no I am not talking about Stephen Baldwin; I am talking about Magnus Baldwin 1965-1980).

Michelle succeeded in ice skating lessons but struggled to get there. Coming from a poor family, Kwan had to become a bear hunter. This is where she developed her form. By age 8 not only could Kwan master simple algebra, but she could massacre a bear with a triple axel. Talk about a 10…10 bears slain in a day. After completely enough training, Kwan decided to enter in the 1994 Olympics. Luckily she did not enter that Olympics. If she had, she would have been victim to Jeff Gillooly and Tanya Harding. Even the best bear hunters have no chance against a future pro wrestler and her he-man.

In 1998, Kwan won the US Skating Championship and made silver at the Olympics. She fell short to Tara Lipinski, America’s first premature fetus to win gold. She then went on to win a few more medals. She even managed to win a medal in a sister winter event: curling. After her sweep with curling, Kwan decided to take a break from sports.

Our skater decided then to be a multimedia star. Kwan had always wanted to become a singer/actress when she was back in her country hunting for Himalayan Brown Bear. She tried to collaborate with rapper Ice-T then decided she was just sick of all the skating puns. Michelle Kwan then made her move to made-for-television movies Skating