What Happens When Students Can’t Afford Porn? MS Paint to the Rescue!

By Alex McComas

What happens to the sexually starved college student when the funds run low? What happens when the financial and pleasure bereft student finds they can no longer afford an hour and a half’s entertainment? What happens, the world questions with sore curiosity, when the teen cannot get what they most greatly desire?

What happens, the awful question looms, when the students can’t afford their porn?

Fear no longer, Gettysburgians. The answer to your grave quandary lies but a hop, skip, and a click away through the world’s greatest invention – the internet. Except, we’re not talking about those fleshy camera shake-ups that you can find on just any porn site, we’re here to broadcast real, high-grade, accessible thrills.

We’re talking about MS Paint Porn.

Microsoft Paint has long earned the stigma of being an artistically unprofessional program with its lack of a layer system, transparency options, and overall unwieldiness. Most artists, if desiring to seriously pursue digital art, unload 700 or 800 dollars for Photoshop or Adobe Illustrator. Since these professional programs came to popularity, MS Paint has been pushed to the side in its creative impotence. Finally, MS Paint is earning long awaited credit in its utility for erotic images.

Certainly the sketchy sensation that’s sweeping the nation, MS Paint Porn is an impassioned asset to the economically unstable. Where once there where moans of loss and desperation; curses to Hayden for an inability to download salacious videos; desperate scrambling for cheap cassettes of concupiscent glory; now the campus and other monetarily depraved institutions rejoice in this cost-free alternative.

From Gay to Bestial, Oral to Questionable, MS Paint Porn offers images for varying desires. It’s easily-grouped categories make it easy for user interface. For example, the popular “Tranny Penis-mouth Cthulu” can be found in the “Metaphysical section, while the tantalizing “T-Rex and Santa have sex on an asteroid” is located under “Dinosaurs.” Through this stick figured, revolutionary concept of the century, some students have come forward with their reliance on the site.

“Before I found MS Paint Porn, I was lost. I was just… I was lost. I didn’t know what to do, “admitted Lou Effner, a sophomore we interviewed in what he calls his ‘second home’, one of the infamous library viewing rooms. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t want any more of that normal stuff, not that I could even afford it. But let’s face it; who wants to see the toned, naked legs of women anyway when you can see the elegant arcs of the Curve tool at work?”

Effner, we at the GBurg Forum surmise, could not speak truer words. Visit MS Paint Porn today, and bemoan no longer your loss of cheap thrills.