Letter to the Editor: A Tragedy of Another Sort

By A Sorority Girl

This is addressed to the author of the op-ed article entitled “A Grecian Tragedy: Mr. Fraternity.”

Dear Anonymous,

For the intent and purpose of this response I am going to call you… hmm, let’s say Aeschylus (my personal favorite ancient Greek author of tragedies). My dear friend Aeschylus, “any idiot can play Greek for a day and join a sorority or write a tragedy,” well, at least you proved the latter (and I don’t by any means deny that the former has some truth to it). The real tragedy is your op-ed piece. Why you may ask? Where to begin…

Oh, let us start with your opening paragraph. You introduce your obvious disdain for the charitable event with a remonstrance of “The unintelligible sound of hundreds of girls screaming at the tops of their lungs…” While I agree with you about the annoyance factor of various groups chanting in a large room already made loud by the chatting of the rest of the audience, you nearly killed me with the closing sentence of your introduction. “Clearly, the chanting sorority girls had never been taught the importance of diction when expressing oneself verbally.” Like, oh my God… (I, being a “sorostitute” myself, am well versed in the sorority dialect) I hope by diction you mean enunciation. While you are correct that diction (more commonly used when referring to word choice) can be utilized as a synonym for enunciation, it is not right in the context you seek to use it (ha, irony, often found in great tragedies…impressive Aeschylus!). Diction does not work in your application because it pertains to “the accent, inflection, intonation, and speech-sound quality manifested by an individual speaker” (Random House Unabridged American Dictionary). My life would be complete if you only chose to use “diction” after consulting the Microsoft Word thesaurus (I checked, diction does pop up)! I mean I could go on and on about your various grammatical mistakes. Hey! It is okay. I’m not the best at grammar myself, but for god’s sake when you are trying to assert your intelligence in the form of a witty op-ed article please, please, please proof read! “…far too many pearl earring…” What? Are you kidding, did you even use the spelling and grammar check on your computer? Pearl Earrings are worn as a pair. A pair implies two, and is thus plural. Earrings buddy, earrings. Another personal favorite, “Phi Psi, Phi Sig, and FIJI all performed groups dances. I-… what-…Who…” First of all, “groups dances?” I send a silent prayer to the Gods of Grammar that you are not an English major. Oh, and you single handedly destroyed my favorite punctuation mark, the ellipsis. A … is not to be followed by a -. I mean I know you wrote this trying to sound witty in order to prove yourself to be higher on the intellectual food chain; but really, can you at least proof read before you send something like this in to be published?

ATTENTION ALL READERS: just as our friend Aeschylus wrote “A Grecian Tragedy: Mr. Fraternity,” to appear witty in the degradation of Gettysburg’s Greeks, I am writing this as a smug asshole who wishes to degrade my dear friend Aeschylus and, perhaps secondarily, stick up for my brethren of Gettysburg Greeks. I’m sure you all will find plenty at fault with my grammar or diction (and here I mean word choice), but like at least I’m totally not um, pretending to be what I am not (unless for satiric purposes).

Forgive me, I have a tendency to be verbose (and no, I do not, did not and will not use a thesaurus to sound ‘smarter’, but I’m just now embarking on the main event. Ladies, Gentlemen, and especially you Aeschylus, would be insulting the intelligence of any member of Greek life by assuming that Mr. Fraternity is in some way meant to be taken seriously by the audience or by those involved (oh wait, A. that is exactly what you are trying to do). Did you not see our illustrious faculty judges laughing hysterically the whole time? The event, which made almost $5,000, is smart in that it plays into the stereotypes of Greek life. It is an excuse to get drunk, act stupid (this applies to the contestants) and laugh a little bit. It ingeniously plays upon the human attraction towards the proverbial “train wreck” that you just can’t keep your eyes off of. It is spectacle, it is laughing at someone else in order to take focus off one’s own self consciousness. In response to your disgust over the commercials, do you think any of those girls took themselves seriously? I speak from experience; I did a commercial when I participated in Mr. Fraternity as a sophomore. Maybe commercial is the wrong word to use (Ah! A problem with diction once again!), it is not meant to advertise as you suggest, but rather it is used to break up the pageant into segments to offer time for changes and what have you. Well, maybe it is advertising something, the fact that we (sorority girls) don’t always take ourselves like so seriously, duh! I cannot, for my life, shake my ass, drunk or sober. Did I think I looked sexy on the stage? Are you kidding? I was drunk and just being goofy for a good cause. Did the guy who walked on stage wearing nothing but a pink string bikini bottom leave little to be desired? Yes. And while I can’t speak for him, I am willing to wager that he will not look back on his college career and see that as a crowning moment. But hey, at least his willingness to take part in the embarrassment afforded the Make a Wish Foundation the ability to do a wonderful thing for a child.

As for the talent portion, just because “Wonderwall” is not particularly complex does not imply that the Lambda Chi brother does not have talent. For all you know he is a guitar virtuoso who smartly chose to play a song that would engage the audience. I don’t know your personal musical aesthetic, but would you rather him play, oh let’s say the more complex “Son of Sam” by Eliot Smith that few would be able to appreciate? Give these guys a break, they were not taking the pageant seriously, they were providing drunken entertainment and nothing more, nor did they ever imply that this event was to be representative of true character. The event was held for its ability to attract a large audience based on its entertainment value, and while your contribution of the $5 it cost to attend is wonderful; you need not have stayed if you found that it did not fit your entertainment style.

Love,
Your Dear Friend: a pearl wearing, shot taking, chant singing, honor society member and Sorority girl.