Stine Hall: Dirty and Flirty This Christmas Season

By Evan Petrack

Mary Magdalene, supposed prostitute, would have been so proud of our very own Stine Hall this past Monday (November 30 th). Why? Well, because on this specific Monday, some residents decided to make it a “Monday Funday.” It’s not that I disagree with this behavior, but I do have an early morning class on Tuesdays, and I’m not entirely sure my liver could handle that. But, apparently in Stine they can handle it any night of the week! But that doesn’t mean they actually hold their alcohol (Yeah I’m calling you out Stine)…

So to answer your questions, yes, that is a branch of a pine tree decorated with condoms, a red solo cup, one blonde wig, a green tampon, a “Happy Birthday” sign to Jesus with penises so tastefully drawn on, and of course a hair straightener (no Christmas branch-tree is complete without a hair straightener!!).

But I think only one more thing is really left to be said now. Whatever they had that night is what we ALL need to have to celebrate the Holidays this year, all of them: Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, and even that weird shit that goes on in Sweden. Cheers!